What's jealousy?

Jealousy is a feeling observed in the vast majority of human beings. It presents itself in interpersonal relationships, whether family, romantic or friendship, and is considered by many as an expression of love and care.

However, jealousy can also be a reflection of the feeling of possession. In this sense, it ceases to be a representation of the will to remain with that person and becomes a toxic feeling that imprisons and destroys relationships.

Therefore, it is essential to analyze and differentiate the symptoms of a healthy jealousy from the harmful one. For that, we will bring in this article not only the symptoms of jealousy, but also the types and how to deal with this situation. Read and understand!

Types of jealousy

Many people are unaware, but there is more than one type of jealousy. In some cases it can even be considered a pathology and require medical treatment. Are you in doubt about which type of jealousy you or your partner have? Follow the reading and find out!

Normal jealousy

The jealousy called normal is the one that is not related to the idea of possession. Usually this feeling is caused by the fear of losing the person or even by the feeling of insufficiency.

In most cases those who have normal jealousy try not to express it, precisely because they know that it is not justified and is the expression of a fear of the person. In these situations, the partner does not provoke situations that may cause jealousy, and those who have this feeling know it. Therefore, they try to camouflage these feelings and not externalize them.

Selfish jealousy

Selfish jealousy is the reflection of extreme individuality. The person who feels this type of jealousy is not concerned with the particularities and desires of the partner, but only with his satisfaction.

In this way, the individual is not only jealous of other people, but also of activities or anything their partner does that is not completely focused on them.

If you suffer from selfish jealousy, or know someone who suffers from it, it is important to indicate or seek professional counseling. It is necessary to understand that not only you have desires, but everyone around you does too.

Excessive jealousy

The person who has exaggerated jealousy usually intensifies situations to justify their feelings. Through childish and even dramatized behavior, this jealous person puts the blame on the other person and assumes the role of victim.

It can also present vindictive and explosive characteristics. After all, this jealous person believes that he is experiencing an injustice. Medical monitoring is also necessary to visualize situations more clearly and learn not to put himself at the center of everything.

Obsessive jealousy

The person who suffers from this evil does not care about the happiness of others, he is only focused on having everyone in his control.

It is one of the most abusive and dangerous types of jealousy because it ruins the self-esteem and freedom of the other person. It is even considered an obsessive disorder. This jealous person has constant and uncontrollable thoughts about the other person and their mind revolves around how to have that person all to themselves.

Pathological jealousy

Like obsessive jealousy, pathological jealousy is considered a disorder and demands professional attention. It fits the so-called deliberative disorder, since the individual unconsciously creates situations to justify his jealousy.

These situations can be linked to something real, such as imagining your partner cheating on you with an acquaintance, or they can be totally disconnected from reality. The intensity of the delirium can evolve over time, so it is essential to begin treatment as soon as possible.

It is important to know that the person, most of the time, has no control over this feeling. He feels constantly betrayed or deceived and does not know how to differentiate what is real from what is not.

Symptoms of pathological jealousy

When jealousy goes beyond normal conditions, somewhat characteristic symptoms appear that help us identify the situation. Generally, jealous people are impulsive, invasive and harbor unfounded suspicions. Read on to discover the symptoms!

Distrust

For the jealous person, any situation generates distrust. A delay in answering a message, a single date or a glance at the cell phone. All of these are occasions that, even though they don't say anything on their own, indicate betrayal for the jealous person.

Constant mistrust generates anxiety and stress, causing the jealous person to react in an unrestrained manner. He will probably constantly interrogate the other person, seeking proof of his mistrust. This feeling has its origin in fear of the other person's freedom and independence.

Resentment

Another feeling tied to jealousy is resentment. Because he feels wronged and betrayed, the jealous person will always feel resentful of the other person. For him, all the care and dedication for the relationship is on his shoulders.

In addition, the jealous person holds a grudge for all the situations that, in his mind, were reasons for his jealousy. Thus, at any moment this person can explode and put out, usually in an aggressive way, what he is holding.

Situations interpreted your way

The pathologically jealous person shows signs of paranoia. Thus, he/she sees situations from the viewpoint of betrayal and distrust. Seemingly irrelevant actions or occasions become moments of extreme anguish and anger.

For this reason, it becomes so difficult to live with a person who suffers from pathological jealousy. After all, any action will become a reason for fights and even if the person avoids certain behaviors in order not to displease the jealous person, he/she will still see problematic situations where there are none.

Rabies

Anger appears as the maximum expression of everything the jealous person feels. The negative feelings of sadness, mistrust, insufficiency and several others are externalized in the form of angry words and actions.

Generally, people who have pathological jealousy also lack the emotional intelligence needed to control their emotions and act rationally. So, when faced with a situation that provokes jealousy, whether real or not, the jealous person will act disproportionately.

Does not respect other people's privacy

Finally, one way the jealous person finds to keep the person under their control and supervision is by invading the other person's privacy. The suspicion of betrayal becomes such that the jealous person finds it justifiable to spy on or even prevent the other person from performing actions.

Furthermore, the person who has pathological jealousy seeks at all costs to prove that he is right and that his partner is really cheating. Therefore, he usually searches personal objects, cell phones, and even stalking to try to find evidence of betrayal.

How to deal with jealousy

As we have seen, there are several types of jealousy and, to a certain level, it is a reaction that is considered normal. Some people are more jealous than others and in a relationship, loving or not, it is sometimes necessary to face this feeling and try to overcome it.

Therefore, in this section we will bring some tips for dealing with a jealous person, especially if their type of jealousy is not pathological or obsessive. To understand how to help this person and have a healthy relationship, keep reading!

Be patient

The first step is, without a doubt, to be patient. Many times the person feels insecure due to previous experiences and, therefore, ends up feeling jealous. It is important to talk to try to understand the reason why this person feels this way.

In the conversation, try to understand if the person is jealous for a significant reason, such as a disrespectful action by you or an insecurity. If the reason was unjustifiable, calmly explain it to them and lovingly advise them to seek counseling.

However, most of the time jealousy is a reflection of disappointments and low self-esteem. Thus, patience is needed if you decide to share the journey alongside a person who is struggling with these feelings.

Nurturing trust

Another essential point in living with someone who is jealous is building trust. After all, if one of this person's biggest fears is that you will break their trust, you need to show them that it won't happen.

Tell him how important he is in your life, your feelings, and your decision to stay with him. Explain that there is no risk of betrayal because you made a commitment to be with this person. If it is a case of normal jealousy, the person will understand and trust you more and more, leaving aside unfounded jealousy.

Presenting to friends

A strategy to reduce distrust and fears caused by jealousy is to introduce your friends to the person you relate to. If the insecurity comes from possible outings with friends, or something like that, it is worth inserting it in your circle of friends so that the person sees that there is no reason to distrust.

In general, it's healthy to insert your partner into your activities, while respecting their individuality and space, of course. Sharing experiences cultivates trust and shows that person that your intention is to stay with them.

Impose limits

However, although there are several strategies to help your partner overcome jealousy, it is essential to set limits. Most of the time, one of the ways jealousy is externalized is through control. Therefore, you need to show your partner that you will not give in.

Don't let the person believe that they need to have control over you for the relationship to work well. You need to talk, show them that you both need space and personal freedom. The person needs to trust you and be willing to change negative habits.

Encourage without you

One of the practical ways to help your partner deal with jealousy is to encourage him to do activities without you. If he doesn't already, show him that he also needs some time with himself, or with his own friends.

Some people close themselves off completely in the relationship and see their partner as the only option for friendship and interaction. In these cases, jealousy can arise as a reflection of insecurity. The person wonders why the other person wants to do other things, if for them the partner is enough.

However, it is necessary to show that this behavior is not healthy. Regardless of the relationship, everyone should cultivate their individuality and, as difficult as it may be at first, seek to feel pleasure in activities done alone or with other people.

Control your own jealousy

There are cases where both people in the relationship are jealous. In these situations it is necessary that both are willing to change and moderate the jealousy. Dialogue is a fundamental part in any circumstance, and even more so in these cases.

It is necessary to understand what causes jealousy in each one, because it can be for different reasons. From that, with a lot of understanding and willingness to change, it is possible for both of you to build a healthy relationship based on trust.

Do not lie

Lastly, if you are in a relationship with someone who is jealous, don't lie. It will completely ruin the trust you were building. In fact, truth should be the basic premise of any relationship, regardless of whether either partner is jealous or not.

After all, the relationship is based on mutual trust that will allow you both to feel safe with the other's individual activities. When you hide, omit or lie about a situation, it arouses the insecurity of the other, who will imagine that you might lie about other things, such as a betrayal.

How to control your own jealousy

If you are the person who feels jealous, you can learn to control it! There are several ways to deal with this feeling and not let it get in the way of your relationships. To find out how to do this, read on!

Work on self-esteem

Most of the time jealousy is caused by insecurity and low self-esteem. Many times the individual does not feel enough for the other, and keeps imagining that at any moment his partner may find someone better.

This feeling will damage not only your relationship with others, but also your relationship with yourself. You need to find your worth and increase your self-esteem. Knowing how fun, beautiful, smart and more you are, you will understand why that person chose to be with you.

To work on your self-esteem, take some time for introspection. You need to know yourself in order to know your qualities. Notice what you do well, what you like and your achievements.

Emotional Intelligence

Developing emotional intelligence will also help you deal with jealousy and various other situations in relationships. We often have irrational reactions to situations and then regret them.

One way to avoid this is to work on your emotional intelligence so that you can observe situations with greater awareness and know how to act positively towards them.

Positive thoughts

Cultivating positive thoughts is another way to overcome jealousy. Feeding negative feelings and thoughts about a possible betrayal or any situation that makes you jealous will only make the situation worse.

It is possible that you will immerse yourself in these thoughts and end up believing the very story you have created, so when you notice an unfounded thought arising, push it away and seek to fill your mind with positive thoughts.

Chat

One of the most important tips is: dialogue. Your partner won't be able to know why you feel jealous if you don't speak up. You need to say how you feel, always respecting your neighbor, of course.

Have a frank conversation about what bothers you and, above all, be willing to listen. Listening to the other person's side will help you understand to what extent your suspicions are real or are just a figment of your imagination and insecurity.

By talking, you can strategize together to overcome this challenge, as well as all the others that may arise in a relationship. Be empathetic and sincere with the person you love, it will make things easier.

Practice physical activities and hobbies

Practicing physical activities and hobbies can also help you deal with jealousy. This is because occupying your mind with pleasurable activities will prevent you from cultivating negative and distorted thoughts about the person you care about.

In addition, it will help you get to know yourself better and cultivate your individuality. Physical activity also decreases anxiety and creates a better relationship with your body, increasing self-esteem.

Work on boundaries

Understand your limits and your partner's limits. Everyone has different limits and you need to accept that. Make it clear to your partner what you expect from a relationship and what you do not intend to accept.

Likewise, understand the wants and limits of the other person, without trying to always put the situation in your position or view. Learn to say no, and also learn to hear a no.

Can feeling jealous be healthy?

Throughout the article, we realized that there are several types and symptoms of jealousy. Some of them are normal for human beings and others are considered pathologies. Jealousy is considered by some as something healthy in the relationship.

However, it is important to realize that the aspects that are considered healthy of jealousy is caring, love, concern, and the desire to have the person around. All of these feelings do not need to be tied to jealousy.

Jealousy is a bad feeling that causes discord in the best relationships. Constant jealousy lowers self-esteem, causes anxiety, and can make a person paranoid. And living in a relationship with someone who is jealous is equally toxic because it limits and hurts.

Keep an open dialogue with the person you live with and try to cultivate trust between you. By being honest and listening to each other you can have a truly healthy relationship.