What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is the act of harming yourself through actions and thoughts that operate negatively in your life. People act against themselves for various reasons, mainly out of fear of failure or being judged by others.

Thus, self-sabotage interferes with negative actions in the personality, professional career, and development of interpersonal relationships of the individual. Many times, this destructive behavior has its origin linked to some traumatic event in childhood or adolescence.

Thus, unconsciously and consciously, it ends up manifesting itself in adulthood, when self-confidence and facing life's adversities are not built within us.

It can be considered a defense mechanism against criticism and conflict, but this behavior ends up producing contrary effects throughout life. Thus, self-sabotage ends up persisting in a lasting way in thoughts and actions, preventing growth and maturation.

See in this article more information about self-sabotage, its origin, main characteristics, how it manifests itself in our lives and treatments.

Meaning of self-sabotage

Learn what it is and how to identify this self-punishing behavior in yourself or in others. See why it happens and the most recommended forms of treatment.

Definition of self-sabotage

The main definition of self-sabotage is an unconscious cycle of negative thoughts and attitudes that prevent the achievement of a daily activity or a life goal. This boycott carried out against oneself is a process that causes a conflict of thoughts, leading the person to believe that he/she is not capable of facing a situation.

By living with this continuous thought of incapability and the fear of making mistakes, a person starts to build obstacles to their tasks. Many times, this attitude is done without the person being aware that they are causing the obstacles.

What leads to self-sabotage

This boycott conduct can have its origin linked to childhood or adolescence experiences that negatively impacted the person, causing them to develop a fear or dread in the face of similar situations, through thoughts and behaviors to punish themselves.

It is in childhood that we learn and develop our ability to face activities and deal with failure, if for some reason this learning has not been explored and built throughout life, it may have reflections in the experiences of adulthood.

How to identify self-sabotage

It is possible to identify a self-sabotaging behavior through some recurrent and harmful habits of the person. The first of these is procrastination - a person who has difficulty believing that he or she can face difficulties will continuously postpone the completion of tasks, because of the fear of failure or of being criticized.

Another indicator is that the person who self-sabotages will avoid exposing him/herself or making decisions at work or in other social spaces, for having low self-esteem and for not fully trusting what he/she thinks.

Other attitudes that indicate self-sabotage are: constant fear of making mistakes, pessimism in the face of any situation, always comparing oneself with other people and having a critical and perfectionist attitude.

How to eliminate self-sabotage

Since self-sabotage is a behavior linked to the unconscious, the first step is to recognize that this habit is happening and in which moments of life, as well as it is advisable to seek psychotherapeutic counseling to identify the origin of this toxic habit.

After this awareness, it is necessary to create mechanisms to face this toxic process, also learning to deal with possible difficulties and failures that happen along the way.

You will need to change habits and create a routine that allows you to start and finish the proposed tasks, while building within you the confidence and maturity to make mistakes and get them right.

The treatment for self-sabotage

Seeking self-knowledge is essential, but the best way to treat self-sabotage is to undergo therapeutic treatment with a psychologist so that it is possible to understand where the fear is that interferes negatively in the attitudes.

Besides therapy, you can also propose to build new habits to perform daily activities that make your routine more productive, so the feeling of incapacity will gradually decrease.

Types of self-sabotage

Now learn about the types of self-sabotage that exist so you can tackle this behavior. See below for six different characteristics that hurt you.

Procrastination

Procrastination is very common in people who self-sabotage, because they do not believe they can achieve positive results in some activities they believe are arduous or challenging.

Faced with something that causes discomfort or uncertainty, these people tend to put off the task until the last moment instead of getting organized and starting to do the activity. In extreme cases, the feeling of helplessness is so intense that the person ends up giving up all work.

Procrastination is a very common practice, so don't blame yourself, but avoid it and develop methods to get out of procrastination. Procrastination can be avoided with planning, start and finish small tasks throughout the day and build up over time.

Victimization

Victimization is characterized by the habit of always placing oneself as the person who was harmed in a situation, exempting oneself from the responsibility of an act, as well as from criticism.

In this way, the person tends to play the victim in order not to have to deal with the consequences and obligations. Self-sabotage is present in this characteristic when one does not want to acknowledge the responsibilities and bad results of events.

Denial

Denial happens when a person does not want to face their own longings, dreams, desires and needs. When feelings are not recognized and named, it becomes more difficult to determine the goals and changes necessary for personal and professional growth.

Similarly, denial also manifests itself when the person cannot deal with and overcome the events they experience, whether they are considered bad or caused by another person. In self-sabotage, denial prevents the complexity of actions and feelings from being explored, in which case the person does not see a new path.

Culpability

Guilt intensifies the fear of making mistakes and being criticized, even if they are constructive criticisms, the individual flees from any type of judgment. When facing a situation that triggers guilt, he tends to feel paralyzed and constantly charges himself.

Thus, the feeling of guilt is linked to the search for perfectionism in everything, leaving aside the trial and error processes that are also part of learning and building any successful task.

The person who feels guilt does not continuously allow himself or herself to suffer during actions, since in his thoughts he will perform a task that is already destined for a bad result.

Inconstancy

Those who suffer from self-sabotage have difficulty in giving continuity to activities and projects, and even to sustain their opinions and desires. Therefore, inconstancy is a recurring characteristic, making the person unable to keep the focus on what is needed for a long time.

This habit allows her not to face unknown situations, as well as her possible problems. In the same way, by not experiencing something different she ends up not experiencing positive situations that can bring the so desired success.

Fear

Fear is paralyzing and silencing in those who live with self-sabotage. It is the feeling that dominates actions and blocks constructive experiences. It is a characteristic that permeates all the others, since fear can be present in the habit of procrastination, in the feeling of guilt and in the difficulty of maintaining constancy throughout the actions.

Those who self-sabotage are afraid of future failures and problems or are afraid to experience again some event from the past, therefore, this feeling ceases to be something natural of human life and becomes an issue that hinders the activities and plans of life.

Signs of self-sabotage

Read now how to identify the most common signs of self-sabotage and how each one can be addressed.

Believing you don't deserve

Not recognizing one's own worth is a very common habit of the self-saboteur. This person persists in this thought that he/she does not deserve good things or that someone else is better than him/her. Then, he/she has difficulty to run after the goals and also cannot dedicate him/herself to activities.

In this dynamic, there is a tendency to only see the impasses you have been through, the failures or what you have lost, leaving aside the celebration, your own potential and all the qualities acquired from the experiences you have had.

Not recognizing your achievements

Whether it is because he feels he should have done something different or because he always compares himself with the achievements of others, the one who believes he does not deserve what he has, will find it difficult to identify all that he has already achieved up to that moment of life.

Not celebrating one's own achievements at the end of each process ends up becoming an exhaustive trajectory in search of an idealized perfection, generating insecurity, low self-esteem and anguish. In some cases, an achievement generates so much internal conflict that when the goal is reached, the person can no longer enjoy that moment.

Nothing is good enough

Having very extreme self-criticism makes a person feel that nothing they accomplish is good enough. Activities that should be pleasurable and constructive become moments of tension, where everything needs to be ready and flawless.

In addition, there is a need to always produce and improve what has already been done, even if the final work has been praised by others. This whole process is surrounded by the fear of being making a mistake, even before something happens.

Need to talk only about achievements

People who are perfectionists or who fear criticism will avoid showing their failures or difficulties, it is through their successes that they will be praised increasing their sense of approval and belonging.

These people carry the need to only talk about the achievements, failing to contemplate the attempts that did not work out and the trajectory until then. It is very important to celebrate the achievements, but it is also necessary to observe the path that was walked until them, recognizing the adversities and challenges faced.

Need to compare

The self-sabotage generates a need to always compare, but, many times, the person only sees his own defects, leaving to admire the qualities of the other. Living observing the life and work of others makes us have an idea that does not always match reality, even more if we see only the success and not the whole path to get to it.

Each person has his or her own qualities and difficulties, even when facing the same goal. In this way, to live comparing ourselves with other people makes us stop looking at our own experience and improve.

Control requirement

To control everything around, to foresee what can go wrong, to be detailed, to think of solutions for what has not happened yet are common activities of those who harm themselves.

Trying to control one's own feelings is also a form of negative action, since bad feelings also permeate thoughts and are consequences of some situations. In this case, it is necessary to see that having feelings is healthy, something natural, and that it is not possible to control emotions.

The need for control generates an overload of anxious thoughts and a fear of facing the unknown or something without solution. Life is affected by situations beyond one's control, generating the constant worries in those who feel the need to always be in control.

Fear of failure

One of the main signs of self-sabotage and that requires treatment is the fear of failure. This feeling paralyzes and prevents any action to be initiated without procrastination or developed without anguish and desire to give up, because in the thoughts of the person who lives with self-sabotage, he believes that he will fail at some point along the way.

To live with failure is also to develop and improve skills, even if through something that does not meet expectations. To live only with the fear of failure is to want to achieve a perfection that does not exist.

Tips to stop self-sabotage

In addition to recognizing the main characteristics of self-sabotage, it is important to overcome this type of behavior through new habits and specialized treatments. Here's how you can stop sabotaging yourself.

Taking a leading role in life

The first step to avoid sabotaging yourself is to recognize that you are the protagonist of your life and that your wishes and dreams deserve space in the world. Therefore, you should recognize your qualities, just as you should trace the best path to improve what you believe is a defect.

This is the time to work on self-esteem and to direct self-criticism towards building realistic life plans.

Know your purpose

Observing yourself will ensure that you find what makes you happy and what purpose you can dedicate your days to. Ask yourself about the work you want to do, your hobbies and the place you want to take in the world.

Determine your own path and goal, even if you can't yet visualize all the benefits you will get from it. It will be through practice and experimentation that you will understand what your true purpose in life is.

Have clear goals and strategies

Planning is a great ally of those who have difficulty in performing activities and it can be adapted to all contexts, no matter if you need to organize the shopping list or trace the steps of major projects, set your goals and strategies.

You can first think about and write down your main goals and then determine the paths to accomplish them. This organization will facilitate the development of the tasks, once they are determined and with clear strategies to be executed.

If you have trouble finishing tasks, define what is a priority and separate it into small actions throughout the day. That way, you can see only what needs to be accomplished that day.

Identify the source of self-sabotage

Knowing when and how self-sabotage began to manifest is very important in order to overcome this behavior. Usually, self-sabotage is linked to some childhood event, but it can also be the result of some other moment in life, in which an impactful and traumatic event generated a negative feeling.

The identification of this event will give you the tools to work through the fears and other harmful feelings caused by it. Work on your self-knowledge and seek specialized help, this way you will recognize the types of self-sabotage that most affect your life and you will be able to learn how to deal with them in everyday life.

Work on self-esteem

Self-esteem can be improved or built upon and this movement is done when you observe yourself and see all that you have experienced. It will be through recognizing your purpose and accepting your flaws that you will find your physical and emotional well-being.

You carry unique qualities and knowledge, as well as the power to be what you want to be. Before you undertake the search for your place in the world, you need to be more generous with yourself, removing the guilt and the habit of comparing yourself.

Learn from your mistakes, value your achievements and see that looking to the present is the best strategy to build the future you want for your life. Therefore, raise your potential by trusting in yourself and developing the best you can in everything you accomplish.

Going to therapy

The psychotherapeutic accompaniment with qualified professionals will help in the identification and treatment of the emotional issues that negatively affect those who suffer from self-sabotage.

This is a great alternative for those who wish to reflect on the life processes they have already gone through, in the same way it will be important to determine the plans that still represent their wishes and dreams.

If you have never done therapy, know that Psychology has different approaches, such as Psychoanalysis, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Behaviorism, Phenomenology, among others. Look for a credentialed professional and an approach that best suits your needs, so that this process is really of reflection and change.

Taking change seriously

Changes are part of life and it is not possible to avoid them. In addition, our choices or other people's actions can also influence the paths we will be redirected.

The most important thing is to face the reality that this new change has established and understand what strategies can be pursued from this moment on. To face change seriously is to take responsibility for one's own choices and deal with the scenario brought about by the change, determining new strategies.

Acting responsibly

Be responsible in your actions, face your obligations and finish the tasks, even if fear and the urge to self-sabotage are present throughout the process.

Responsibility must be present in all contexts, including the feelings that stand in your way, they are the ones that influence part of your choices and determine your thoughts of incapacity.

Assume the choices that were made along the way and observe how you can transform your present, so that other trajectories can be built in the future. There is no problem in recalculating your own route, as long as this change is made with responsibility, respecting your time and knowledge.

Do not seek perfection

Perfection is an unattainable desire, always seek to develop the best work possible, taking into account the tools available and your life situation.

Letting go of perfection is not to settle for any result, but it is to move in the face of adversity and face in the best possible way the limits that have been appearing. Dedicate yourself and recognize the trajectory that produced that work.

View failure with naturalness

Life is a compilation of trial and error, so failure is a possibility of any process. Understanding that there is this probability of not being right all the time will make it easier to overcome failure when it appears, since it is also a form of learning or realizing what needs to be changed so that the main goal is achieved.

It is not an easy task to recognize and accept the naturalness of failure, however, this recognition in no way diminishes the success you will achieve.

Value what you have best

Appreciating all the qualities that make up your path will be one of the best tools for developing the self-confidence necessary to be the protagonist of your own life projects.

See in yourself all that you have to offer to those around you and also in personal and professional contexts, but above all, offer yourself your best qualities, work towards your best path.

Also, look at a hobby as something positive that, even if it doesn't have a financial return, will be an enjoyable activity that will explore a quality that you carry and that can be enhanced over time.

Prioritize good companies

Try to have by your side people who are companions and who want to live with your best version, either in your personal life or at work. Good companies will be allies in your personal processes and in your change of behavior.

A person who harms himself also performs this action through living with toxic people who only criticize and carry bad energies. It is important that you live with people you admire and that this feeling is mutual.

Is self-sabotage a disease?

Self-sabotage is a behavior that develops harmful habits and is called by many a disease of the soul, it continually affects a person's emotions and actions, leading them to not believe in their potential and consequently damaging their professional and personal life.

In the same way, self-sabotage makes living with the fear of failure and other negative feelings constant, and can lead to the development of physical diseases, in addition to anxiety, depression and panic syndrome.

Because it is a psychic issue, it is necessary that a psychotherapeutic treatment be done in order to identify the origin and the main areas that are affected. It will be through this recognition that the individual can make changes in their own beliefs, thoughts and practices.

Thus, self-confidence, self-esteem and the ability to face adverse situations will be worked on, preventing this person from continuing to harm him/herself and ensuring that he/she can have a life trajectory in accordance with his/her goals.